


Penance

by Star_Going_Supernova



Category: Godzilla: King of The Monsters (2019)
Genre: A little bit of fluff at the end, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Guilt, Monster-Human Friendship, listen mark russell's not a bad dad he's just out of practice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Going_Supernova/pseuds/Star_Going_Supernova
Summary: “It’s Maddie,” he whispered hoarsely, feeling like the floor was crumbling beneath his feet. The sub rumbled and his knees gave out at the thought that they were moving farther and farther from his daughter who was moving closer and closer to unreal levels of radiation. To set a nuke off. She was… she was going to…(an AU where Maddie takes Serizawa's place with the nuke)
Relationships: Godzilla (Legendary | MonsterVerse) & Madison Russell, Madison Russell & Mark Russell
Comments: 22
Kudos: 206





	Penance

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was ‘maddie has a nuclear meltdown’
> 
> I needed more words for NaNo, so I basically speed-wrote this as a request from MarvelKid22. I hope you enjoy it!

Maddie sat slumped against the wall, a blanket around her shoulders. She felt so tired, so heavy with guilt. She should’ve tried harder, shouldn’t have gone along with everything her mother said. None of this was right. None of this was what Andrew would’ve wanted.

If she were to face her mom right then, she could only imagine it going poorly. Maddie had some serious choice words for Emma Russell, and it was probably for the best that she might never get the chance to say them.

She watched her dad across the dimly lit room in the sub. The emergency lights had stopped flashing, and now they were trying to find Godzilla.

Maybe if she’d gone to her dad when he’d shown up on the catwalks, things would be different. Maybe she could’ve grabbed the detonator and prevented Monster Zero—King Ghidorah, whatever—from being released. Maybe Aunt Viv wouldn’t be injured and unconscious. Maybe Rodan wouldn’t have been woken up, wouldn’t have destroyed Isla de Mara. Maybe a lot more people would be alive right now.

Her knuckles turned white were she clutched the blanket. Her dad would probably assure her it wasn’t her fault that any of this had happened. She could practically hear him say, _“These were Emma’s choices, not yours.”_

That was true, but maybe she could’ve done _something._ If she had just been braver…

Maddie didn’t know when she’d started thinking her mom’s plan was a bad idea—a lot of plans born from grief were, she thought—but when she pulled that voice on her… it was like Maddie could do nothing but obey.

That she wasn’t with her mom and Jonah right then was the closest she’d seen to a miracle today—though if Godzilla had really survived the bomb, she might have to rethink that. The helicopter had dipped closer to the ground during Monster Zero’s rage while everyone was distracted trying to put the ORCA back to rights after Maddie’s meddling. Her desperation to get away from them had chilled her veins, and it was almost without thinking that she threw herself out of the helicopter.

They’d been low enough and the drifts of snow high enough that she hadn’t been seriously hurt. Even better, her fall had distracted Ghidorah for a split second, which was why Aunt Viv was comatose and not dead. It was, in her opinion, the only good thing she’d done all day.

Her bruises, sprained wrist, and most of her back ached, but she was okay, and she was with her dad.

Poor Dr. Serizawa actually looked to be in worse shape than her, agonizing over Aunt Viv’s condition like he was. Maddie wanted to go to him, but every time she tried to think of what to say, her throat constricted and her thoughts froze and she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t just collapse into a pile of guilt and tears if he tried to tell her she wasn’t to blame.

Maddie watched the screens as Dr. Stanton piloted a drone around. It reminded her of the movie _Atlantis: the Lost Empire_. At least the sub hadn’t been attacked by a mechanical leviathan or anything, just sucked down a vortex into a tunnel.

She listened to a nearby crewman quietly tell the commander that the crash had damaged some of their systems. A new dread settled in the pit of her stomach as they determined they wouldn’t be able to launch the nuke.

With a cold certainty, she _knew_ what would happen. Her dad and the others would make the logical decision—take the nuke and set it off manually. And she looked back at Dr. Serizawa, at the hopeless grief on his face and knew he’d volunteer. He’d always been one of Monarch’s most outspoken members about the Titans, Godzilla in particular. He believed in Godzilla. And if he’d already given Aunt Viv up for dead, Maddie knew he’d be willing to die for Godzilla too.

But Monarch needed him. Aunt Viv—because she _had_ to wake up, she just had to—needed him. Her dad and Dr. Stanton and Dr. Chen needed him. He couldn’t go and sacrifice himself. He didn’t deserve to die to make up for someone else’s decision to try and kill Godzilla. Besides, this was all _her_ fault.

If anyone deserved to die, it was her. It made sense, and even though it wouldn’t make up for all the people dying all over the world because Ghidorah had been released, it was the least she could do. Penance.

An odd sense of calm swept over her. Doing this would hurt her dad, but she was sure he would manage without her. If she was lucky, maybe her mom would rethink her doomsday plans after finding out.

Maddie nodded slowly to herself before carefully standing up. She didn’t have much time before they all came to the same conclusion as she had. If she wasn’t off the sub before they went to enact their plan, she’d be stopped.

No one noticed when she silently slipped away.

• • •

Maddie didn’t bother with a suit or anything. Even with it, the radiation would kill her, not that it would get the chance. The nuke would go off long before that.

With everyone trying to return the sub to rights after its impromptu trip into the hollow earth tunnels, no one paid any attention to her as she broke into the vault with the real heavy duty weapons. That system was mostly offline anyway.

The little mini sub wasn’t even locked down. She launched it before the bay doors had even opened all the way. And just like that, her fate was sealed, and there was no way for anyone to stop her.

• • •

Mark and the others were still shocked speechless by Serizawa volunteering to go on a _suicide mission_ when a little beeping alarm sounded from a console. The commander ducked away to see what was going on.

After another moment, Mark got his voice back. “What the hell does that mean?”

_I’ll go_ , Serizawa had said, staring into space. That was not the look of a man scared of dying. Especially not for a cause he believed in.

Ilene was quick to regain her own senses. “There must be another way,” she said quietly. Her eyes met Mark’s, and he knew she’d seen in Serizawa what he himself had. There’d be no convincing the man to change his mind.

The commander returned before anyone else could say something, and there was a new tightness around his eyes. “One of the personal subs has been launched, and a nuke is missing.”

“You mean someone’s already gone?” Rick asked. “We _just_ brought it up, who would even—”

The sub gave a lurch, making Mark and Serizawa stumble. They all sent the commander a questioning look.

“I don’t know who,” he told them. “But we need to get out of here before that nuke goes off.” He left them to return to the center console.

“I don’t understand,” Ilene whispered. “Who would go to their death to save Godzilla without even saying anything?”

“That’s serious commitment.” Rick shook his head. “Or it’s someone who doesn’t care much about living.”

And a horrible, terrible thought occurred to Mark. He turned around, praying he was wrong, but—

Maddie’s chair was empty, her blanket half slipping off the seat.

What sort of person wouldn’t mind dying like this? Someone who blamed herself for the disaster in the first place.

His heart raced painfully. _I knew I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight,_ he thought. But she’d just looked so tired, he’d hoped she’d manage to drift off or something.

“Mark?”

He turned back to find Ilene watching him with worry in her eyes.

“It’s Maddie,” he whispered hoarsely, feeling like the floor was crumbling beneath his feet. The sub rumbled and his knees gave out at the thought that they were moving farther and farther from _his daughter_ who was moving closer and closer to unreal levels of radiation. To set a nuke off. She was… she was going to…

He heard his friends shouting but couldn’t for the life of him understand the meaning of their words.

_Maddie’s going to die_ , he thought over and over, the ultimate broken record. _Maddie’s going to die_.

• • •

It _hurt_. The heat was intense, like when you open the oven while you’re standing right over it, and it releases a burning wave of air into your face—only the feeling wasn’t going away, but getting worse. Her skin prickled and it didn’t seem like an exaggeration for once to say she felt like she was melting.

Hugging the bulky box with the nuke to her chest, she ascended the enormous staircase one step at a time. She bit her lip until the taste of blood touched her tongue, but she refused to cry. She made her choice, and this was the least she could do to make up for her inaction.

Maddie thought about her regrets. She regretted not being able to be there when Aunt Viv woke up. She regretted not saying goodbye to her dad. She regretted not telling someone about her mom’s plans.

And some part of her, even though she knew it wasn’t her fault, regretted not being enough for her parents, after Andrew died.

It was with some surprise that Maddie realized she’d reached the top of the stairs. Through the smoke, she followed the silhouette of Godzilla’s spines down to his head. He was enormous, especially compared to a human like her, but… he seemed smaller than she remembered.

Though her memory of San Francisco was hazy, she could still recall what it felt like to watch him walk by. Larger than life, larger than anything she’d ever seen before that wasn’t on a screen. He could’ve stepped on them without even noticing.

Now, collapsed and resting, his breathing heavy and slow, labored from the power of the oxygen destroyer, he didn’t look like the villain so many people said he was.

Maddie didn’t bother going any farther. She sat down where she stood and settled the bomb in front of her. Godzilla’s shifting back in front of her blocked her view of the worst of the bright flares of magma.

She pulled the shining silver nuke out and kicked the empty box away. After thinking for a moment, she activated it to go off in five minutes. Hopefully, the sub would be plenty out of range by then.

It started ticking, and Maddie found herself in peculiar position, not one most humans ever experienced: she now knew down to the second when she would die. Every last minute she had of her short life was being eaten up by that little scrolling dial.

Despite this, and despite the pain she was in, she heaved a sigh of relief.

Not in the mood to simply sit there until the nuke went off, she stood and stretched her arms above her head. Looking around, she felt a pang of sadness for the inevitable destruction of this amazing underwater chamber.

She wondered if this was his home, or just a convenient place to restock on radiation.

Well, she’d die wondering. Maddie turned her gaze from the impressive ruins to the Titan. Was he asleep or unconscious?

There was nothing to fear, considering she had less than five minutes to live anyway, so she slowly walked closer, watching out for any signs of him being aware of her.

He huffed when she’d made it about halfway to him and, with what looked to be great effort, opened his eyes.

Maddie remembered her family having a dog when she little. Long before Andrew was taken from them, the dog had to be put down. She thought he might’ve been sick or something—could practically hear her mom explaining that he was in pain—but all four of them had sat with him as he passed.

The clearest memory she had of that day was the look in her old pet’s eyes. It’d been aware in a way she hadn’t thought animals could be. He had known he was dying, she was sure, and tiny little Maddie had sworn up and down that she knew he was both happy and sad for it.

Godzilla looked down at her, as visibly exhausted as a Titan could ever be, and she saw something similar in his eyes.

“You’re not dying today, big guy,” Maddie said without thinking.

He huffed again, and with a great groan, shifted his body. His eyes burned like the flowing magma around them. There was still life left in him, but it was faint.

She glanced over her shoulder at the innocuous nuke, still counting down her last moments. It was tempting to go see exactly how much time she had left, but something about not knowing gave her a little thrill.

Gesturing at it, she told Godzilla, “That’s supposed to help you feel better.” And then she giggled. “It’s stupid, isn’t it? Humanity’s _'I’m sorry for trying to kill you with a bomb'_ apology present is another bomb.”

To her surprise, in a show of undeniable understanding, Godzilla’s eyes scrunched up a bit as he rumbled a chuckle of his own. Emboldened, Maddie went even closer. He watched her, but made no move to dissuade her childlike curiosity.

Feeling talkative, Maddie said, “I don’t actually mind dying. Someone had to, and I deserve it more than Dr. Serizawa.” Having reached him, she hesitated for only a moment before reaching out. An awed little laugh left her.

Godzilla’s scales were rough, and most were at least as big as her hand. She walked alongside him, smoothing her palm across his skin while tracing the shallow gaps like a connect-the-dot puzzle.

She brushed her sweat-soaked hair away from her face. “I didn’t get a chance to apologize to anyone up there. I mean, it’s partially my fault that Ghidorah’s out there, wreaking havoc. I should’ve stopped her—my mom, I mean—and I didn’t. I let her do this, all of it. There are so many people dead because _I_ was too much of a coward.”

Maddie looked up at him. His eyes were attentively tracking her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking. The tears she’d been holding in for so long now finally escaped, warming against her overheated cheeks as soon as they did. “I’m sorry.”

It all became too much—the heat and the radiation and her injuries and that crushing, black-hole guilt—and she fell to her knees. Instead of moving away from Godzilla to curl up like she wanted, she merely leaned forward, feeling every bit as weak as a newborn, and rested her forehead against him.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed between hiccups. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this!”

She felt him shifting, a steady rumble starting up somewhere in his chest, but he didn’t move away. He didn’t let her fall the rest of the way to the ground, and though she knew her weight was _nothing_ to him, a broken smile cracked across her face. When was the last time someone had taken her weight when she was upset? When was the last time she didn’t feel like she had to be strong?

The nuke would go off any moment now. Her five minutes had to be almost up.

Raising her hand to press the pinky side of her fist against Godzilla, Maddie whispered, “Give ’em hell for me, G.”

She closed her eyes just as something cut off the light around her, and while exhaustion finally pulled her under, her ears popped and an odd ringing sort of silence filled her head.

And Maddie knew no more.

• • •

The submarine was plenty clear of the blast when the nuke finally went off. They’d been given more than enough time to reach a safe distance. A check had been done during the evacuation of the tunnel systems, which only served to confirm what Mark had already known: it was his little girl going to her sacrificial death.

He’d never forgive Emma for this, for leading their daughter into a position where she would feel guilty enough to be okay with dying. Maddie was twelve, and no matter what she tried—would have tried—to tell him, no twelve-year-old is responsible for their mother’s choices. No twelve-year-old is expected to keep their parents from doing stupid things.

Mark had been there, after all, he’d seen it on the catwalk. Maddie had wanted to come to him, she hadn’t wanted to be there with Jonah and his crew. Emma had stopped her. There was no telling what Emma had enforced in their kid over the years, to keep her from acting out. That Maddie had been strong enough to escape later was incredible.

And yet, Maddie believed it was all her fault. She’d hinted at as much, though the chaos and commotion of everything that happened between their reunion and going to track down Godzilla had kept them from having a serious conversation about it.

He was to blame for that. He should’ve made time, and now, since he hadn’t, she was gone.

A sick part of him wanted to tell Emma just so he could see the look on her face when she realized it was her fault. It was all his ex-wife’s fault. Before, he might’ve argued that Jonah had a hand in things, but now he couldn’t find it in him to defend her.

With a start, he suddenly realized Ilene was standing in front of him. He’d been hunched over in a chair without a clue as to where in the sub he was since his panic attack earlier.

“Hey,” he croaked. Mark couldn’t remember crying, but his throat hurt and his eyes felt tight, so he must’ve.

Ilene offered him a sad smile. There was a crumpled tissue clutched between her fingers. “We’ve reached the surface,” she quietly told him. She stepped to the side a bit, revealing Rick and Serizawa standing a short distance away. “We’re heading outside, if you’d like to join us.”

Feeling much older than he was, Mark pushed himself out of the chair. “Might as well.”

He trailed after them, lost in thought. He’d spent years hating Godzilla for being the reason his son was dead, and though surely no one could blame him if that hatred increased in the wake of his daughter’s sacrifice for the very same Titan, he found that part of himself empty.

It was like all that resentment had drained away. But why? Godzilla had taken—unintentionally, sure—both his children from him. Maybe he was too numb, and those feelings would return in time. Or maybe—

“Mark.”

He raised his head. Serizawa had paused at the base of the ladder leading onto the deck. If he’d looked bad before, when he’d been ready to give his life, he looked like death warmed over now. “You don’t have to join us,” he said grimly.

Knowing what his old friend wasn’t saying, Mark shrugged tiredly. “I think I do. At the very least, to just… see that she did it. See for myself that Maddie’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

Serizawa nodded. “If that’s what you want. However, I would not blame you if your wounds were too fresh…”

Mark grabbed one of the ladder’s rungs. “He was never a demon to Maddie. Y’know that? I don’t think she ever thought of Godzilla as the cause of Andrew’s death the way me and Emma did.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t hate him. I don’t think I can anymore. ’Cause my daughter wouldn’t want to save a demon.”

Without waiting for a response, Mark climbed the ladder. Rain pounded against him, soaking his shirt in seconds. Ilene was looking out over the ocean through a pair of binoculars for some sign of Godzilla. Just as he joined her and Rick, Serizawa just a few steps behind him, what looked like a whirlpool began to form in front of them.

As it grew, a blue glow began to shine out from the center. They watched in silent, jaw-dropped awe as those familiar jagged spines, lit up with more energy than Godzilla likely knew what to do with, broke through the surface.

One of the crewmen who had joined them swore under his breath as Godzilla rose up and up and up. He was intimidatingly huge at a distance, but this close? Mark almost felt woozy at the sheer _size_ of the Titan—who had more than earned such a title—and the dangerous-deadly-luminous power he radiated.

It was like the ocean itself had bowed to his indomitable presence and surrendered all impossibility, for how else could he have been standing there as if the sea’s fathomless chasm didn’t stretch below his feet? Godzilla gave himself a great shake, the very air humming around him. 

He caught sight of them quickly, and the way his head snapped around to face the little group on top of the submarine had them all taking a step back. Godzilla stepped towards them, creating great waves with each movement, until he was close enough to bend over them.

Mark knew he should’ve been terrified, but all he could think about was Maddie. She’d probably gotten this close to him, maybe even closer. Hell, knowing her, she probably touched him. This Titan, this imposing behemoth of a creature, was only standing before them right now because of Mark’s daughter.

Godzilla, he realized, was also the last living being to have seen Maddie. He hoped there was enough intelligence in that lizard brain for Godzilla to understand that, to understand that the insignificant little human who blew up his nest was _gone_ and had gone willingly to her death to help him.

Looking up into those fiery eyes, Mark thought maybe, just maybe, the Titan did understand.

But Godzilla kept coming closer, far beyond the point of examining them. He reached out with a close-fisted hand, which shone with blue light coming from the cracks between his scales. His entire arm was like that, seeming to come from the still-glowing spines.

The claws slowly peeled open a few feet beyond the railing, until his whole palm was flat and exposed.

Mark fell to his knees for the second time in an hour. Cradled in the hand of the King of Titans was his daughter.

Ilene cried out beside him and he was barely aware enough to notice Serizawa stagger against therailing as Rick reached out to steady him.

She was breathing—that was the only thing commanding his attention. His daughter’s back rose and fell with life, and he could’ve wept with joy and relief right then and there if Godzilla hadn’t been patiently waiting for someone to relieve him of the human girl in his hand.

Less stable than a newborn deer, Mark lurched back to his feet and stumbled forward. He grasped the railing hard enough to hurt as he gasped for breath. A rumble washed over him, and he looked back up into Godzilla’s eyes.

They were all fools for ever thinking him to be a simple animal. Worse fools for thinking he had no care for human life. Mark had never seen a gentler expression on any creature’s face as Godzilla gestured towards Maddie with his head.

Mark snapped his gaping jaw shut and scrambled onto the railing. He balanced precariously for a moment before making the short jump to Godzilla’s impeccably motionless palm.

“Maddie,” he whispered even though he was sure she couldn’t hear him. It was more for himself, anyway, reassurance that it was really her, really his daughter lying there safe and sound. He collapsed in front of her. “ _Maddie_.”

Her face was lax in sleep, still flushed from the heat of the chamber. He should’ve been thinking about radiation—she wasn’t even wearing a protective suit, not that it would’ve helped her with those levels being what they were—but he could do nothing other than hunch over and gather her into his shaking arms.

It was only as he moved her that he noticed. Those lines of light beneath Godzilla’s skin continued all across his palm, and from there, it seemed they were bleeding into Maddie. Thin spiderwebbing strokes of blue stretched across her cheeks and forehead, all down her neck, across her bare arms and presumably everywhere he couldn’t see. They were delicate marks, as if painted on by the steadiest of artistic hands, and Mark would bet anything they were glowing as well. It was merely too bright out, even in the overcast, rainy weather, to see.

But that was something to worry about later. Privately, he didn’t imagine himself ever truly caring what it meant, not if they were the reason his daughter was alive right now.

So he pulled her up into his chest until she was comfortably tucked beneath his chin—all while silently taking notice of more blue hiding beneath her hair, staining some of the strands—and allowed a deep breath to leave his lungs.

This was the relief he’d never felt while looking for Andrew. This was the love he’d thought to be lost forever, after seeing that empty chair. This was the blubbering joy of a father finding out he was not, in fact, childless.

“Dad?”

A broken sob escaped him at the sound of her voice. It was quiet and weak, thick with sleep.

“Yeah,” he said, rocking her. “I’m here, _you’re_ here. You’re safe, you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Dad, I—”

“Hey,” Mark interrupted her gently. “Hey, it’s okay. I know. We… later, okay?”

Maddie wiggled a bit until he let her sit back—though he wouldn’t have released her entirely, even if he thought he could stand to. She blinked tiredly up at him. Each iris was surrounded by a thin ring of blue.

Her gaze drifted further up after a moment, and his only followed when a rush of warm air blew past them. Godzilla hadn’t so much as moved a muscle, and seemed content to watch them with the patience only a being thousands of years old could have.

Mark sat in silence as his daughter stared up at the Titan as if she could see past the inhuman expression. Finally, she smiled brightly and gave a little laugh. “Thanks, G,” she said without raising her voice, as if she had no doubt at all that he could hear her regardless.

He snorted, and suddenly the air buzzed with power. Mark gasped as a prickling thrill shot through him from where he was in contact with the Titan.

A hum that had once haunted his nightmares reverberated in the depths of his chest as Godzilla braced himself, curled his claws ever-so-slightly to keep his human passengers from falling, and threw back his head with a triumphant roar. Raw, electric blue energy shot out of his mouth, sending the clouds above them rolling away from the resulting shockwave.

Maddie whooped beside him, laughing with delight. Mark glanced at her, immediately becoming amused at the sight of some of her hair standing on end from static, or something like it.

He tugged her closer and she went without complaint. And in that moment, with his daughter’s heart impossibly beating against him, and Godzilla’s bellow splitting the heavens with his returned power, Mark knew they had a chance. And it wasn’t going to be because of humanity’s greatest weapons, or the ORCA, or anything else he might have guessed hours ago.

It’d be because of the undeniable connection between Titan and human. It wasn’t as simple as coexistence like Serizawa thought—it was friendship.

**Author's Note:**

> _“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” - Woodrow T. Wilson_
> 
> I couldn’t bear to kill Vivienne Graham if I was leaving Dr. Serizawa alive. That’d be cruel. Aunt Viv for the win! She was supposed to play a bigger role in a different story, but it’s been left on the back-burner for a while.
> 
> Here’s [my tumblr.](https://star-going-supernova.tumblr.com/) Kudos and comments are life!


End file.
